“How you feeling?”

“Like shit. How do you think I feel dumb-ass?” Tommy replied.

Patty winced, frowning because even a broken Tommy was still as sharp as he had been before.

“Maybe he’s just trying to protect himself. Putting on a strong front.” Patty thought.

“What’d the doctor say? Does it look good?” Patty said.

Tommy looked away and closed his eyes. As hard as he tried, a little drop of water escaped from his left eye and left it’s sad streak across his face. Patty had only ever seen Tommy like this when he heard of their grandfather dying from a heart attack.

“Pray Tommy. Do you want me to call a priest?” Patty asked.

Tommy snapped his head back to stare a Patty. The tear was gone. The strong front was back.

“No Patty. You and your little boy fucking priest can get your ass out of here.” Tommy said.

Patty drew back. It wasn’t what Tommy said that shocked him, he had heard it all before and was well familiar with Tommy’s aversion to the Church, it was that here, so close to death, he was as defiant as ever. Patty lost it, another common occurrence between the brothers.

“For heaven’s sake Tommy! You’re dying! And you can’t let go of your pride even now. Gees! Haven’t you learned?” he spat.

“Learned what? There’s nothing to learn. Because you and your Church are wrong.” Tommy said, contempt leaking from his fading eyes.

“Oh really? Then why has the Church gotten it right for 2,000 years?” Patty said.

“No, you haven’t gotten it right. You’re all ignorant and stupid.” Tommy said.

Patty just sighed and looked up at the blank TV hanging in the corner opposite the window overlooking the empty parking lot. He knew Tommy wouldn’t reason. Only hoped that now, when Tommy was leaving, he could finally make some sense to him.

“No. That’s not true,” Patty thought, “Tommy left a long time ago.”

“I’ll be right back.” He muttered and got up from the burgundy waiting chair and left the room. He walked down the hallway to the front desk in the ward.

“Hey. Do you guys have a chaplain I could call or something? Preferably a Catholic Priest.” Patty asked the receptionist.

“Sure. Ill ring him up and he should be here shortly. What room do you want me to tell him?” she replied.

“106. Thanks” Patty replied and turned back to go to his brother’s room.

The priest came, Father John Grinsell, but Tommy only told him to leave when he showed up.

Patty starting talking to Tommy about the time when he got caught in the rapids in the James river and Tommy had to swim out to help him back. Tommy only grunted at first but eventually began to mumble in reply. Patty looked at Tommy, at the tube coming out of his left arm, connected to the beeps and lines of the monitor on the other side of the bed and realized that he wasn’t replying so much to the conversation as it was as his mind began to slip in and out of consciousness.

Patty reached out and took Tommy’s hand tentatively. He didn’t draw back. He didn’t notice.

Patty didn’t know what else to do so he pulled out his rosary and started praying.

“Bill, is that you?”

The voice sounded vaguely familiar, like a pair of old musky slippers rediscovered at the bottom of the closet, deep but not base yet.

“Yeah. Who is this?” Bill asked.

“It’s Carl. You remember me? We went to Appalachian together.” He said.

Bill remembered the voice, and he remembered some guy name Carl, but couldn’t tell from where. Just to be polite he responded, “Oh yeah! Hey buddy, how have you been?” hoping that Carl didn’t pick up the question of who it was in his voice.

“I’ve been doing pretty well, but I’ve got to be honest with you, I’m calling cuz I need a favor.” he said.

“Yeah, sure. What do you need?” Bill said with a groan. Pictures of guys in his classes, old roommates, guys in the school clubs and the Circle K group were running through his head but nothing was registering yet. He just hoped that the favor wasn’t to big that he wouldn’t be able to follow through or that Carl would expect him know where to go for whatever it might be.

“Great! I know we haven’t talked in a few years but I looked up your name on the UNC website that you were working there. Susan told me. You remember her?” luckily he continued without waiting for an answer, “Well you see my daughter Caroline is a graduating senior, time flies right! She’s looking to go to UNC next year and I was wondering if you could do anything to help. You know, talk to a few people, maybe pull a few strings here and there. She’s not exactly the best student. So what do you say.”

“I don’t know Carl. The system is kind of tight. I’ve never met Caroline so it would be hard for me to vouch for her.” Bill said.

“Aw, come on man. It’ll be nothing for you. Just a few calls. Maybe visiting a desk or two. I remember how the days were back in Pi Kappa Alpha. You used to be real good at getting anybody to do anything.” Carl said.

Then it hit. All the parties and booze. The staying up late and hazing of the newbies. These were memories Bill didn’t exactly want to remember and now here was one of his brothers asking him to pull him a favor based on lost ago glory days. “I don’t know man, this might not work.”

“Hey man. Don’t worry about it. I know you can make this happen. And don’t worry about cost. I’ll pay anything. However much it takes to get her in. I would really appreciate it.” Carl said.

So there it was, a bribe from his old frat brother to get his daughter into college because she was flunking.

“No man. I can’t do this. It’s against the code.” Bill said, gaining conviction.

“You sure, you can’t pull off this one little thing for me.” Carl said.

“Yeah I’m sure.” Then he suddenly remembered the running shower and was appreciate of his escape. “Hey listen, I’ve got to go. But it was good talking to you.”

Carl barely got out a “Yeah, you too…” before Bill hung up the phone and went up to finish his shower.

Once upon a time

Long ago and far away

In the beginning

Let me tell you a story

Listen!

It all began.

Once upon a time I was freaking out because I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and I was so stressed and upset and just couldn’t handle it. So I went home. But it wasn’t there that the moment really happened. No. But I needed to go home because that laid the groundwork for what would happen next.

You see, I had initially gone to Old Dominion University to study engineering, but after getting a D + in Precalculus I realized that maybe that wasn’t the best thing for me. I had also recently just broken up with the girl friend I had been dating for nearly a year and a half so I may have been just a wee bit emotionally unstable. So I trying to figure out what I was supposed to do in life. I decided to take a trip home and talk to a few people. I talked to Nick Sharp, head of the English Department at VCU and my best friend’s dad. Got nothing much there. At least not that I can remember now so it must not have been important. I talked to the Youth Minister at my church. Same thing. But it was talking to my mom that hit me.

Her and I were standing in the kitchen and she said “Kevin, you’re 18. You don’t need to know what to do for the rest of your life yet.” Ah! Gotcha! You thought that was the moment didn’t you. Nope. But it’s important because in that moment I got peace, and in the peace and quiet of our hearts we can hear God.

Now let me set the scene for the moment that was to come. I was sitting in the middle of a greyhound bus, aisle seat on the right side. There were children talking and people talking and earbuds talking and just a whole manner of noise. But it was one small voice talking that got me. We had just passed Williamsburg, heading back to ODU, and I heard a voice in my heart say to me… “Kevin…come become a priest for me…”

Spooky thing for someone to hear, or feel, in their heart. Quite a radical call. Yet there it was. And I immediately said yes. James and John and Peter and Philip and Matthew didn’t hesitate.

Well this was a small moment but it lead to a lot after. I began discerning the priesthood, went on a vocation discernment retreat, and applied to the seminary for the Salesians of Don Bosco. Yes I entered seminary and yes I left. I had been born and raised Catholic though I fell from the faith for a few years. So what’s important is that the conception of my faith had already taken place, but there, amidst the noisy Greyhound Bus, my faith life had its birth.

That moment lead to a lot of things: dropping my life, out of ODU and moving to New Jersey. It meant leaving my family and friends behind with the possibility of never being on the same level with them again. It meant embracing the faith when others didn’t understand or support me. It meant making Jesus Christ the center of my life.

Oh, and by the way…

The End.

            I was anxious to go to my cousin. I hadn’t seen him for six months and he was visiting on a conference trip for work. They stuck him up at the top of one of those 60 floor hotels off of midtown in The City, that’s New York for those who don’t know the local lingo. I was about to start speeding up when at the third floor the elevator stopped. I cursed my luck. I double cursed my luck when I saw who interrupted my ride.

It was one of those girls, with the two pounds of make up on her face, a mini skirt, a tight, very large v-neck shirt that exposed more than I had wanted to see. She looked like she was right from The Jersey Shore.

“Excuse me” I muttered as I moved over on the small elevator for her to get on.

Her Gucci purse smacked my side as she passed and I was enveloped in the stench of what smelled like my grandma’s perfume. She darted me a look as if to say “I have to share my elevator with this creep.”

“Uh! These things go soooo slow,” she exclaimed as we started climbing again.

Already irritated by being interrupted by a foul smelling priss who hit me with her purse I turned to her and said “Well what do you expect!? The world to cater to you Miss Princess?”

“Well excuse me Mr. Bean! I’m sorry if I have some important things to do! If this elevator doesn’t hurry up then I’ll be later to my hair appointment.” She snarled at me as she first flicked her finger at me then patted her hair.

I rolled my eyes and said “Oh yes, because we all know that you’re hair is the most important thing!” thinking about what a New York moment this was.

“Well some of us have our priorities straight! What’s up your ass!?” then she noticed the sign in my hand that up to that point I had forgotten about. It had a picture of a baby face on it with the slogan “Choose Life.” From when I had been protesting at the abortion clinic earlier that morning before coming to see my cousin.

“You know, it’s people like you who disgust me. You’re always pushing your views on others. It’s my body therefore it’s my choice. Don’t you care about women’s rights!?” she exclaimed.

“Ma’am, you’re pushing your views on me right now. The body of the baby inside a woman is not her own but that of the baby. Of course I care about women’s rights. I also care about the rights of the unborn, those who have no voice. And believe me, it’s better for the woman psychologically not to have an abortion.” I responded, trying to keep my voice calm and even. I glanced up to see where we were and saw that we were just now passing floor 34. My cousin was on floor 52.

“No, it’s not the baby’s body because it’s not a baby yet.” She retorted.

“What is it then? A hamburger?” I asked and saw her face blanched without an answer.

Suddenly the elevator slowed down and stopped. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that we were both sparred from having to make up any more answers. As the elevator doors opened and she said “Hey honey! Come teach this guy something” to the buff tattooed Jersey boy on the landing, I immediately regretted my sigh of relief. I fumbled for the “Close Doors” button. They couldn’t have closed faster.

Ok, that aside, something else that annoys me, the inability or choice of myself and others not to grow up. This is a two-fold anger. The first deals with other students that simply need to mature. For example, I am in American Humor and the most common jokes told are sexually explicit. The class loves them! They go wild! I sit there in my little corner with my “I’m not laughing because that was disgusting and inappropriate” face on. Luckily, I made it very clear that I will not stand for jokes against the Church and therefore not much has been said. This is not a matter of judging other people but the simple and honest fact that students, not all, need to mature because mommy and daddy aren’t looking after them anymore.

This brings me to my second point: I myself want to grow up and not be dependent on my parents anymore. I look at myself and those surrounding me and think that we are all 20, 21, and 22 year olds; 100 years ago we would have been in the working force making a contribution to the edification of the human race. Now, education, and thus the entry into working society, has been extended. It is and has been one of my desires to work while in college. However, being on the leadership team and the Catholic Student Center and taking a consistent 18 credit semester leaves me little room to work. This will allow me to graduate this coming December which is a relief because then I can feel like I am no longer dependent on my parents and I can start to pay them back for everything they have done for me. Ah well, I suppose that when December comes these three things won’t be there to bother me anymore but I am quite sure something else will come up to be a nuisance in my life.

I held the deer head over mine,
with its skin still attached,
draping down my back,
making me feel like a chief
of an Indian tribe.

I wanted to take a picture,
to send to the girls,
with the bottom jaw ripped off,
and tongue hanging loose.

I butchered that young doe,
and her 95 pound fawn after,
so that I could feed my own doe,
and six little fawns,
because I was that chief
head over nature.

-Kevin Corcoran

I am currently building my website where you can see a glimpse of who I am. Currently I have some poetry, artwork, and photography up. Feel free to look at these while I continue to build the site.

-Kevin Corcoran

The shadows would nip at my beard as
the fire burnt the water in my eyes.
I feared the stench of cigar smoke has
invaded my clothes. The other guys

didn’t care if I sputtered on smoke.
The Father’s gentle southern laugh
buffeted my ears when a good joke
was told when we cut another in half.

Knowing that what we had to say
would improve the conversation,
not thinking if our words would fray
and cause the others hesitation.

Belching out words with a bellow
at the men’s meetings where we
cracked corny chips between yellow
teeth and beer was our sipping tea.

-Kevin Corcoran

Sarah was possessed by the devil,
and I had to restrain her in a Quaker Shirt.
The illness came quickly,
Causing convolutions and foaming.

Hinde suggested to bring her,
To a hospital in Williamsburg,
Where she would sleep in the dirt,
And have no light of day.

I kept her in the cellar,
With windows for light,
And fed and washed and clothed her,
That she might feel a sliver of comfort.

I buried her out by the cellar,
So that I may always keep watch over her,
And planted that lilac tree,
So that she may smell beauty in hell.

-Patrick Henry
Kevin Corcoran